Time heals

Time heals all wounds. Heard it so many times. My depression at the loss of a friendship is over. Resignation and then acceptance. Spent quite a bit of time working on the power of positivity. That works. The more positive you are the better your life is, the way you look at things and people, the way you approach both, changes. Small changes at first and then bigger and bigger. Holding on to the positive is a process that takes a time to master and I am nowhere near mastering it myself but have made those first steps. There is so much more that I could say but positive thinking prohibits me. Grateful for the baby steps and the move to a more positive way to live.

No BFF

Another day when it strikes me that I no longer have a best friend. My heart drops to the floor. My eyes water. My soul cries. Mere moments pass and I recover. I tell myself  I am worthy.  I pretend to believe.

update

15 days since my last post. All is well. I am recovering nicely. I barely feel that knife lodged in my back anymore. Silver linings.

The double edged sword

Social media. Not using it as much as I used to but checking in to say happy birthday was just the opportunity that the universe needed to show the pic in my newsfeed. The pic being the wedding pic.Oh well. It was just another turn of that knife sticking out of my back. But oh no, I am not bitter.

The Wedding to which I was Uninvited is today.

Enough said. Keeping busy as a distraction. Obviously not working.

4 days out

Still having a hard time coming to accept my friendless status. It is such a change for a social person like I have always been. Of course as we age and our jobs and families require more of our time some friendships do fall by the wayside, but to wake and find yourself without anyone to call with that witty joke or the daily outrage? That is pain. 

This Saturday is the wedding to which I was uninvited. My friendship of 30 years was thrown over and I was summarily dumped. It snowballed into a plethora of opportunities to remind me of how shitty my life is at the current time. I do know that this shall pass but it's the waiting for that to happen that I am struggling with.

What a bummer of a post. For that I apologize to my only reader. myself.

Thursday musings

Not really a fan of having dental work done but unfortunately I have lots that needs to be done. Don't smoke. And if you do, quit today!!! It does bad things to good teeth too! All my chickens coming home to roost. I smoked for decades. Paying the piper.  Next week middle child comes for a visit. Looking forward to it. This is an exercise and diversion from arguing politics on the internet. I am like everyone else. I see something that is soooo obvious I can't understand how everyone else doesn't see it my way too. No need to keep hitting my head against that brick wall so it's this and games. Off to game. More musings sometime in the future.

Letting Go

and counting blessings. It what humans do. Letting go to the memories of 30+ years of friendship and the ability to pick up the phone and talk about them is hard. I remember after my Mom passed away, for about 5 years I would find myself reaching for the phone to get her opinion and the realization again, that she was gone. It's different with a friend, especially one that you shared confidences with, confidences that were hard to admit to yourself let alone another human, but you took that leap of faith and now you only have the memories. I don't know if you will ever see this and read it Sallie, but you broke my heart. I am finding it difficult to move on so I write about it here in this secluded corner of the web where no one other than I will ever see it. I am disappointed with myself I must note, that I even felt the need to write these thoughts down before sending them off into the nether.

still processing

it hits me at odd times. I have lost my best friend although she still is. It's just hard to take in. The times you reach for the phone to text or call, and then put it down because that is no longer an option. The recriminations. The self doubt, as if that is something you didn't already have in abundance! But...

When your best friend dumps you

It sucks. Trust me. So excited she's getting married. Yeah, it's the 3rd time but who's counting, right? She send pictures of the venue, sends the date May 7th, woo! all excited and then the next day the phone rings. It's her. She crying. My heart sinks. She can't get the words out but I knew. So I asked. "I am uninvited from the wedding, right?". "Yes." she mumbles. Her 23 year old daughter called in tears and wanted Sam to prove that she loved her by uninviting me and wiping the past 35 years right off the slate. I feel so much pity for her. Having to prove her love. Nothing I could say or do could be more devastating than that. So I watch from afar. I can't help but see others posting as we do share and entire sorority of alumni friends but my side of the story will forever remain here between me and my zero readers.

Writing it out is good for the healing process I am told. Fingers crossed.